Total Eclipse of the Heart

My heart did not crumble, but it quaked. I stared at my computer in shock, as I read the message, his message word for word three times. "I'm doing great, I am married, I just bought a house in Newport News close by Yorktown, and I got a baby girl due in August, so I'm busy, busy, busy, lol". That part grated on my nerves, it was like insult to injury. Clearly it was translated to say: I am happily married, leave me the fuck alone. Or was it a nervous, I really do not want to hurt your feelings type of laugh, the type of laugh where damn either now or never but I really don't want to break this girl's heart? I found myself absent mindly counting back nine months to the time wifey could have gotten pregnant, and gasping in shock when I figured out the time. He told me about how he graduated from college, with a Master's in Law, and so on and on and on. All I could think about was how I wanted to be in HER shoes, right then, at that moment, about to give birth to HIS baby. All I could think about was how I wanted to lay on HIS chest every night and be wrapped up in HIS arms.
  Why Me? Why not me? Why her? Why now? How did she look? Does it matter? Was she light bright damn near white? Did she have hair down her back? Did she have ethnic features? Did she have kinky hair? Did she wear a weave? Why? Why? Why? I felt played, lonely, disgusted, angry. It was almost like I could hear people laughing at me, like I could hear taunts, mockery.
  I sent a message back, using all the fake excitement I could muster, I made it look as though I was talking to an old friend, an old female friend. "Oh my God, That is so wonderful! Congratulations, I am so happy for you." That shit was fake as hell, but I didnt want to seem like a damn hater, so I faked it like a true player. I have pride for Christ's sake. What was I to do, not send a message back,  or say something like "Oh well your loss". That would make me sound bitter, lonely, and desperate. Bitter, maybe, lonely, sometimes, but desperate, hell no. 

  I didn't get a response to my congratulations I sent back, nor was I expecting one. It is what it is, I have moved on. I don't believe in disturbing another woman's home, or turning holy matrimony, unholy. I am too cute, and selfish to even attempt to share, I need all the attention on me. As if you all hadn't noticed.