This will be a my last post for this blog, ever. Yes, I will be turning it into a book because so many people love and cherish the stories or little pieces of wisdom I typed from the bottom of my heart. I wrote this blog because so many people who did not understand me, made up their own little stories about me. No I am not proud of the some of the things I did, but I do not regret the decisions I made because I went from negative to positive.
I focus mainly on the ladies in my blog because, everyday a lady that I know call me or message me, or better yet talks to me face to face about hurtful things that she is going through. It does not have to necessarily be about men, love, marriage, sex, or dating. It is about stress from school, finances, or she just needs a good laugh and some sound advice from having a tough week. This year has been a tough year for a lot of people. I have been through hell this year, but I know it was all for a purpose.
I have learned a lot of lessons from the things that I have gone through and not only from personal experience but from wisdom from older people. A lot of older people that I talk to tell me that I am lucky I am going through this at this age then to be going through it when I am older. Regardless of age, sex, or race every single thing happens for a reason.
We all need prayer, I don't care what anyone says or try to dress their lives up. We all need prayers in our life to get through in this harsh world we live in. So if you have a prayer request do not hesitate to email me at LadyOfTheHour@tmo.blackberry.net
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Leaving it all Behind...
As the new year approaches I have decided to leave old beefs, relationship hang ups, broken hearts, ex best friends, and anger behind. I don't do New Year's Resolutions because I never keep up with them, so I know I am for real when I say I have to start fresh and anew on a positive note. I decided to write five people who have affected my life. Whether in a good way or a bad way, and they cross my mind several times a day. I want these people to know how I feel about them, how they affected me, and that I do not want them to respond to my letters. All but one letter will be sent via email, because I express myself very strongly on paper and I want this person to know how I truly feel and how strong they have effected me. When you are angry with a person, I mean really truly angry and you have yet to tell this person how you feel, this anger can build up like a volcano.
Writing is the best source of expressing your feelings of anger because you can write whatever you want to write about and not have to worry about anyone hearing you, anyone judging you or anyone repeating what you have to say. If the person is still alive, you can send them the letter with no return address attached so that this person that has made you angry can know how you feel, without you worrying about this person writing you back or trying to find you.
If this person is deceased, write the letter anyway and bury it in your garden, your backyard, or burn it. Because when that letter burns, or when you bury that letter your anger is gone with it and you can move on. I have been so angry at different people and I let it run my life, for a long time. Because I could not reach out to these people, I became consumed with anger, taking it out on the wrong people. I decided that I will not take this anger for this particular person into not just the New Year, but it stops for the rest of my life.
Writing is the best source of expressing your feelings of anger because you can write whatever you want to write about and not have to worry about anyone hearing you, anyone judging you or anyone repeating what you have to say. If the person is still alive, you can send them the letter with no return address attached so that this person that has made you angry can know how you feel, without you worrying about this person writing you back or trying to find you.
If this person is deceased, write the letter anyway and bury it in your garden, your backyard, or burn it. Because when that letter burns, or when you bury that letter your anger is gone with it and you can move on. I have been so angry at different people and I let it run my life, for a long time. Because I could not reach out to these people, I became consumed with anger, taking it out on the wrong people. I decided that I will not take this anger for this particular person into not just the New Year, but it stops for the rest of my life.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Raising Baby Girls
One of the followers of my blog tweeted a statement on twitter, that made me respect her so much more. "I tell my daughter all the time that she is beautiful and does not need make-up, although she still wants to wear it." If that isn't an example of what a parent should be doing as part of raising a daughter I don't know what is. Telling your daughter she is beautiful, praising her for each accomplishment and just showing her lots of love at home does take part in preventing her from trying to find love elsewhere. Telling your daughter she does not need to wear tight clothing, gobs of makeup or spike heels as a teen to gain attention from the opposite sex is part of raising a baby girl into a confident young lady.
I did not have that growing up in my mother's household, as a young teen or a middle school student. My mother let me know every day that I was ugly, stupid, and had no purpose here on earth. She let me know everyday that she hated the fact that I was born, and that she wished she never had me. And when I lived with my maternal grandmother in H.S she told me everyday that I would be a no good crack whore like my mother. I only felt good about myself because of what the boys told me at school, and I didn't start understanding that I don't need a man to validate my self-worth until I had to learn a lot of lessons from mistakes I had made in my early teens and the beginning of my twenties.
I used to ask myself, and try to understand why these circumstances happend to me, but I am very happy they did happen to me. Because when and if I do have a daughter of my own I can love on her, learn her and teach her the right way of life. And to let her know each and every day that she is beautiful and to know that she is beautiful so that she does not have to look for love, and compliments in the wrong places. Many young girls wear revealing clothing to gain attention that they are lacking at home. Which also explains why many young ladies are allowing boys to run trains on them in bathroom stalls, or at their friend's house. They want to feel loved and accepted by anything. I commend all of the single parents out here that are raising daughters on their own and they are growing into respectable young ladies. You deserve an award.
I did not have that growing up in my mother's household, as a young teen or a middle school student. My mother let me know every day that I was ugly, stupid, and had no purpose here on earth. She let me know everyday that she hated the fact that I was born, and that she wished she never had me. And when I lived with my maternal grandmother in H.S she told me everyday that I would be a no good crack whore like my mother. I only felt good about myself because of what the boys told me at school, and I didn't start understanding that I don't need a man to validate my self-worth until I had to learn a lot of lessons from mistakes I had made in my early teens and the beginning of my twenties.
I used to ask myself, and try to understand why these circumstances happend to me, but I am very happy they did happen to me. Because when and if I do have a daughter of my own I can love on her, learn her and teach her the right way of life. And to let her know each and every day that she is beautiful and to know that she is beautiful so that she does not have to look for love, and compliments in the wrong places. Many young girls wear revealing clothing to gain attention that they are lacking at home. Which also explains why many young ladies are allowing boys to run trains on them in bathroom stalls, or at their friend's house. They want to feel loved and accepted by anything. I commend all of the single parents out here that are raising daughters on their own and they are growing into respectable young ladies. You deserve an award.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
My Waiting to Exhale
I have been hearing the term "Waiting to Exhale" every since the movie came out over thirteen years ago when I was eleven years old. This phrase is now used in sentences and households everywhere, describing how a woman knew that her husband was hers when she first met him. Describing how a wonderful first date ended, or a how a love so strong began. I never understood why they described this as "Exhaling". I mean right now I am single, but yet I am breathing, so therefore I didn't stop breathing because my heart got broken. I didn't stop breathing because I got rejected by a man I really cared about and loved. I didn't stop breathing because I was betrayed by a man I cared for who decided that he wanted someone else. I never stopped exhaling.
I have never said "I am waiting to exhale", nor have I ever attended "Waiting to Exhale" parties. Where a group of women go out to a bar, a party, a club or some other social event to try to meet a man hoping to exhale. Exhale. So the only way you are going to breathe deep,and breathe slow is if you have a man? The only way you feel secure enought to breathe is if you have a man?
I breathe deep, slow, and long while I am single because I am alive, healthy, and blessed beyond. I don't need the opposite sex to breathe, to live, to be happy. Every woman needs a husband, do not get me wrong, but in the mean time if you are single to dwell on "exhaling". Don't search for that man so that you can "exhale" or "breathe again.
I have never said "I am waiting to exhale", nor have I ever attended "Waiting to Exhale" parties. Where a group of women go out to a bar, a party, a club or some other social event to try to meet a man hoping to exhale. Exhale. So the only way you are going to breathe deep,and breathe slow is if you have a man? The only way you feel secure enought to breathe is if you have a man?
I breathe deep, slow, and long while I am single because I am alive, healthy, and blessed beyond. I don't need the opposite sex to breathe, to live, to be happy. Every woman needs a husband, do not get me wrong, but in the mean time if you are single to dwell on "exhaling". Don't search for that man so that you can "exhale" or "breathe again.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Confession (Why I Haven't Been Going To Church)
I stopped going to church because one person made me angry and frustrated with going to church. I know it is biased, no excuse, and I am supposed to go to church for me and the Lord only. However, I let the devil trick me into making myself think that I was just taking a little break from the church, and that as long as I paid my tithes I was fine. Wrong! I needed to be up in church every sunday, in somebody's bible study every week, and on somebody's prayer line every night. I needed to be on my knees every night praying thanking God, and working on forgiveness. In all actuality, I'm mad as all hell on earth at some situations that happend to me that was all out of my control. Instead of thanking God for getting me out of a bad situation, I questioned myself about why I was put in the situation in the first place. I feel anger towards people in church because someone from the church who wasn't as saved as pertained to be, or acting the part.
I am angry because in my mind, I feel like I have been set back from where I was, I feel like a failure, and that I lost everything I worked hard for. I'm withdrawing from everyone, I'm suspicious of everybody who wants to get close to me, and I have a I don't care attitude that needs to stop right now.
The Holy Spirit is beating me in the head, the guilt I feel is consuming me and I feel horrible about a lot of things. I know God is telling me that He is not angry with me, He just wants me to leave the past alone and look forward. He wants me to get back in church ASAP because my spirit is weak, and I am walking around with a broken heart that He needs to heal. I need to start being honest with myself and talk to Him openly because I can't front on Him. He knows me better than I know myself, and He wants me to be more open to Him.
The Holy Spirit has been telling me to read the entire Bible from front to back, so I can understand that He is a God of love, not anger, not hate, not vengeful. That He loves me through all of my flaws, my weaknesses, my prettiness, my ugliness, my sadness, my goofiness everything about me. He wants me to understand that I need to lean on Christ. Holy Spirit told me it is good I am paying tithes, but what about worship, giving thanks. Sometimes I eat without saying my grace, I feel lower than dirt for even doing that.
I wanted to get this off my chest, so I could start healing, and continue my walk with Christ, because I was not being honest with myself or other people. Isn't it great that we have a God of second chances?
I am angry because in my mind, I feel like I have been set back from where I was, I feel like a failure, and that I lost everything I worked hard for. I'm withdrawing from everyone, I'm suspicious of everybody who wants to get close to me, and I have a I don't care attitude that needs to stop right now.
The Holy Spirit is beating me in the head, the guilt I feel is consuming me and I feel horrible about a lot of things. I know God is telling me that He is not angry with me, He just wants me to leave the past alone and look forward. He wants me to get back in church ASAP because my spirit is weak, and I am walking around with a broken heart that He needs to heal. I need to start being honest with myself and talk to Him openly because I can't front on Him. He knows me better than I know myself, and He wants me to be more open to Him.
The Holy Spirit has been telling me to read the entire Bible from front to back, so I can understand that He is a God of love, not anger, not hate, not vengeful. That He loves me through all of my flaws, my weaknesses, my prettiness, my ugliness, my sadness, my goofiness everything about me. He wants me to understand that I need to lean on Christ. Holy Spirit told me it is good I am paying tithes, but what about worship, giving thanks. Sometimes I eat without saying my grace, I feel lower than dirt for even doing that.
I wanted to get this off my chest, so I could start healing, and continue my walk with Christ, because I was not being honest with myself or other people. Isn't it great that we have a God of second chances?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Older Men
In my wild days being in my late teens and early twenties I got a kick out of dating older men. When I say older, I don't mean men five or ten years older,I'm talking about men twenty years older or a little more. The guys my age were so immature, careless and couldn't even hold their pants up properly. Majority of them were living off of their mother's income so they could only take me out to dinner at Sonic. Maybe. My girlfriends and other chicks I had ran into spoke about their experiences with older men. How they paid for their tuition, exotic trips, shopping sprees, and luxery apartments only to realize these girls were just ur ordinary gold digger. But one person I became acquainted with told me a totally different reason why she liked dating them.
Miranda (name changed) was the same age as me, nineteen, at the time we met. She was a Political Science major and had to do her work study in the school library. She was assisting me with a powerpoint when her cellular phone went off. She glanced at it and smiled a sneaky,wicked smile. "Must have something nice planned" I commented. She gave me a sinister look, and said "yep. A night of nonstop pleasure girl. Even though he's almost fifty, he's better than anyone in our age group." I was in complete shock as she began to expose in broad detail their personal exploits, and at the fact that he was darn near 50 years old.
She asked me if I had ever been with a man that old, at the time I had not and told her this. But after what she told me, it piqued my interest. She told me if and when I did I wouldn't regret it. Me being young,dumb,and u know the rest I made it my business to date much older men. Yeah she was right, the physical and material portion of the relationship was good, but these old men were also possessive and stuck in their ways. It took me 3 months to shake one old guy off and another one forgot to tell me about his wife who had been in the hospital sick. So there's drama in every type of relationship,from what I learned. But I still don't understand the whole cougar syndrome.
Miranda (name changed) was the same age as me, nineteen, at the time we met. She was a Political Science major and had to do her work study in the school library. She was assisting me with a powerpoint when her cellular phone went off. She glanced at it and smiled a sneaky,wicked smile. "Must have something nice planned" I commented. She gave me a sinister look, and said "yep. A night of nonstop pleasure girl. Even though he's almost fifty, he's better than anyone in our age group." I was in complete shock as she began to expose in broad detail their personal exploits, and at the fact that he was darn near 50 years old.
She asked me if I had ever been with a man that old, at the time I had not and told her this. But after what she told me, it piqued my interest. She told me if and when I did I wouldn't regret it. Me being young,dumb,and u know the rest I made it my business to date much older men. Yeah she was right, the physical and material portion of the relationship was good, but these old men were also possessive and stuck in their ways. It took me 3 months to shake one old guy off and another one forgot to tell me about his wife who had been in the hospital sick. So there's drama in every type of relationship,from what I learned. But I still don't understand the whole cougar syndrome.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The End of the Race.
I'm sick and tired of the whole race issue. White this, black that, asian do this, hispanics do that. It is disgusting me, like a festering sore that keeps spreading everyone is contributing to this race factor. And the sad thing is, black men are still blaming the "White Man" for his past transgressions.
I get tired of hearing political affiliates lashing at each other using nationalities and racial backgrounds. I get tired of hearing sexual types about white women. I'm tired of hearing negative remarks about black women. I'm tired of reading sadistic synopsis about hispanics.
A black person can't call a white person a racist for calling them a nigger, if that same black person go around calling white people "cracker and honkey". That black person is displaying racism as well. Same thing goes for calling an asian "chink" and an asian calling an hispanic "spic". It is all racism, and it is all hate, evil and disgusting.
Racial stereotypes are the worst. For example: "Black men have large penises". All black men do not have large penises. I know that for a fact. A lot of black women who has never been with a white man say that white men have small penises.
The race factor is out of control, period. And it is just not in America, racial conflict is out of control all over the world. We all need to change.
I get tired of hearing political affiliates lashing at each other using nationalities and racial backgrounds. I get tired of hearing sexual types about white women. I'm tired of hearing negative remarks about black women. I'm tired of reading sadistic synopsis about hispanics.
A black person can't call a white person a racist for calling them a nigger, if that same black person go around calling white people "cracker and honkey". That black person is displaying racism as well. Same thing goes for calling an asian "chink" and an asian calling an hispanic "spic". It is all racism, and it is all hate, evil and disgusting.
Racial stereotypes are the worst. For example: "Black men have large penises". All black men do not have large penises. I know that for a fact. A lot of black women who has never been with a white man say that white men have small penises.
The race factor is out of control, period. And it is just not in America, racial conflict is out of control all over the world. We all need to change.
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