I was talking to a friend the other day, who has been in a relationship for about two months, she told me he was like a breath of fresh air, as if she was walking through smog up until they met. She had asked me if I understood what she meant, and I thought about it. Unfortunately I couldn't tell her I understood, because I totally forgot how that felt. I totally forgot what it was like to be in love with another human being. My friend's face was glowing from the inside out, as if someone lit an ambience candle beneath her skin. When she smiled it wasn't just showing teeth but a happy, sighing smile, as if she would die happy at that very moment and not regret a thing, not even a bucket list. Of course the way she described him, it sounded as if he was made just for her, fallen out of the sky and landed right in front of her. And I believed her. I believed that this man was for her, and I had faith that they would be together for a long time.
I have been single since March of 2007, I have dated, I have sexual tryst and threw him out the next morning. I have had flings, but I haven't had a total, relationship in three whole years. I havent been in love since 2006, I fell out of love in 2007. That relationship was a total wreck. A total wreck. I looked in the mirror and told myself to stop lying to myself. I didn't want just a friend to spend time with just to share hobbies. I wanted a good, faithful, God fearing man in my life as well as a potential husband, but is too bitter to go there. There. I said it. I am bitter towards men.
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