So This Makes Me Less Black?

  I had a eyebrow ring when everybody thought only lesbians and famous rock stars wore them. I listen to NickelBack, Coldplay, Lady Gaga, and Madonna in addition to rap and hip-hop. I hang out in Barnes & Nobles, Boarders, and Starbucks, and are addicted to the cafe's many variety of frappucinos. I speak proper english, and use big words, and I speak proper. What I do not understand is why am I always being told I dont act black?

How does one act a particular color? How does one act a particular race or nationality? Why does race define a person's style of clothing, speaking, hobbies, or musical genre. When I was younger my mother always scolded me to "stop acting white" or "stop talking like a white girl". I didn't understand it then, just like I don't understand it now. Colors do not talk a certain way, just like there is no particular language for black and white. I'm an American, and African-American so I speak the english that I was taught the right way.

   I have lost friends because they thought I was stuck up, and that I thought I was better than them because according to them "I don't act black".  I have heard people say that "I think I am white" because I hang out with white people, I am a twilight fan, I shop in hot topic, and I listen to GooGoo Dolls. I have friends of every nationality, hell, if I met a purple person and he or she was good person, treated people with respect as well as themselves I would have a purple friend. Race has nothing to do with a person's style or demeanor.

My research on Everest College (A Total Rip Off)

A lot of people on and off social networking sites are always cracking jokes about Everest College. I thought it was because of the guy on the commercial screaming at couch potatoes to get off of their asses and do something with their lives, making it seem as if it was as easy as 123, to go to class and get an education and a gauranteed job in as little as six months. Not to mention the youtube covers comedians were doing to make fun of these commercials. But when two people I was aquainted with decided to become students of Everest, I decided to do a little research of my own.
  I called a admissions counselor at Everest College to get more information on how the degree program works, and what programs were available. I was told the programs they offered were Massage Therapy, Business Accounting, and  Medical Assistant. I picked Business Accounting and made an appointment to meet with them  later on that week. I wrote down a series of questions to ask the counselor, about the accreditation of the school, and how gauranteed it would be that I would have a job upon graduation.
  Well I learned a heck of a lot that day that I spoke with the counselor, and no, it was not satisfying information. The school was not accreditted, so you would be wasting your time sitting in a classroom learning for nothing. You might as well be a classroom auditor. The students do not earn degrees, certifications, or licenses at all. The only thing you get when you are finished is a diploma stating that you went to Everest College.
  You don't even have to be a high school graduate to become a student at Everest, which brought me  to the point of asking the counselor a very important question. If you have a student that does not have a high school education, how can you gaurantee them a job in the field of nursing, better yet, an accounting job where they will be handling money?
  Of course the counselor did not have an answer to that question, and quickly changed the subject to taking me on a tour of the college, which I must say, was not very impressive. Not only did they not have proper equipment for the nursing students, but they did not have proper text books as well. Textbooks were included when you paid for tuition. I skimmed through one of the accounting books and there were missing pages, as well as markings all through it that had nothing to do with accounting, or Everest period.
 When it came time to discuss the costs for attending this college, I was led to the Financial Aid office, where I was informed that it would be ten thousand dollars to attend. I was completely floored by this amount, and totally appalled. They then said that they had loans, and financial aid that I may be elgible for. I told them I would need sometime to think about this, and took the financial aid package home.
  These people are charging students ten thousand dollars, to attend a school who can not grant you a degree let alone proper equipment for hands on learning. It saddened me, that there are organizations take advantage of people who do want to get out there and get a career, but is afraid of the long road ahead. So rip offs like this make them think there is a easy way out. SMH.online-education-now.com

I Spy A Potential Guy

I am single (As if you guys didnt already know that) and so I decided to start trying to meet new people. Of the opposite sex of course. So I figured if I go out more, I could meet more people and also have more fun. I started going to places like museums by myself during the day, libraries, going to the movie theatres to see guy flicks, and studying at Barnes & Nobles. Needless to say I came up short. So I started trying to change certain things about myself to catch the eye of a that guy. lol.
 I decided to use a new lip color that I never tried on my full lips before. I normally uses glosses, or light colors but I decided to go bold and use a blood red with a hint of gloss that my friend Frankie suggested. I also decided to dress up when I go out, so I started wearing skirt and heels everywhere I went, including the hardware store. That didnt work. Not only did not catch the eye of a potential suitor, but I caught the eye of the wrong darn men. I literally had to threaten one old guy who wouldnt go away, and  some weirdo followed  me all through the mall.
 I figured if I go catch the matinee of a guy fllick like action movies, horror, dumb movies (Jack Ass 3d per example) maybe I could run into a guy there we could spark up a convo. Needless to say, a waste of time and money. One action flick I went to see only had three people in the theatre, and the movie was so boring I fell asleep. I went to see a horror flick and every guy there was hugged up with his chick, so not only was I lonely, the movie freaked me out so bad I couldn't sleep for a week. I was gonna try and see "Jack Ass 3d" but I could not bring myself to sit through that garbage.
 So yesterday I went in Barnes & Nobles to study and have a Green Tea Frap, and skim through a couple of novels as well as try to spy a potential guy. I spotted a couple of cuties, but they were pushing strollers with toddlers in it, so they were unavailable. Today, I went in there again and there were cuties galore. I mean of every race and nationality. I was browsing the Twilight Series collection and caught one eyeing me *blush*.
  But still nothing exciting, so I decided to put my pride to the side, and look at self-help books on dating, finding mr.right, how to introduce your self, et cetera et cetera et cetera. I even skimmed through Karrine Steffans "Vixen Manual: How to find and keep your man" when I suddenly remembered and realized that this woman has been married and divorced more than once. I quickly put back all of the dating self-help books back realizing, that these authors had a different opinion on how to approach the opposite sex. I decided that I will keep going to new places, minus the extremely sexy clothing.

Wifey (The Ringless Marriage)

Every woman wants to be  wife, no matter how much you say marriage is not for you, you are happy being single, or you are happy the way things are. But I am not talking to the single ladies, who are independent and is not in a relationship. I am talking to my ladies who is in a relationship with a man they have been with over two years, calling him "hubby", he is calling you his "wifey", you both are living together have kids together plus a dog and sharing a car. You talk yourself into thinking that everything is cool, and comfortable the way things are, I mean hey like your "hubby" say marriage is just a piece of paper right? You don't really need that diamond ring, or that contract called a marriage license to seal the deal.
 Wrong. Marriage is not just consumation, or a little piece of paper that says you are married. It is a agreement before God, and a commitment from him letting you know that he is willing to share the rest of his life with you and if he has morals only you. That his love goes far beyond the bedroom, he loves with every thing he has. Your "hubby" telling you that marriage is just a piece of paper, is just his way of saying that he is not ready to take that big step and he is comfortable the way things are. Because if and when it comes a time where he is ready to live "single" again he has no problem with packing his bags, leaving and telling you (if you have kids together) that he will come  and see his children every other weekend.
  It is not that every woman wants to be a wife, but every woman deserves to be a wife. They deserve the ring, and the license that seals the total package and the deal. You are acting the role as a  wife, yet you are not getting wife benefits. You understand what I am saying? And when you realize you are potraying characteristics of a wife, but you are not getting the benefits a wife deserve, you will then wake up and start feeling unappreciated.

  Wifey is just a term to describe a girlfriend a man has been with for a long amount of time that acts as a wife, but has no plan to seal the deal. So what do you consider yourself, a wifey or a wife?

Dear Mario (Open Letter to Mario Dewar Barrett )

Dear Mario,

I first want to say that I hope you are in good health, and a good peace of mind. I have read in blogs and news sections about the events that transpired between you and your mother. Of course the media is making it seem worser than what it really is, because that is what they get paid to do. But I am writing this letter to you, to let you know that you are not alone. I don't care what the fans have to say, I don't care what the media have to say, I understand what you are going through because I have went through the same thing. My mother has been on drugs for over half my life and I am twenty six years old. She recently got clean in late 2007. The only difference between me and you is the fact that my mother is now clean, and yours is not.
  I have contributed money towards my mother's rehabs, drug clinics, rehab shelters, bail money, etc. My mother has stolen not only money from me, but sentimental items that I cherished to my heart. She stole my puppy pitbull when I was fifteen years old and sold him for five dollars just to get a quick hit. My grandmother had took me and my siblings shopping and on Christmas Day my mother and her boyfriend picked up our gifts and left. Needless to say we didn't have Christmas that day, not the materialistic part rather. Through the years, I burned with anger towards my mother, because even after I was an adult and I continously tried to help her, she still betrayed me. Sins of the mother makes you wanna holler doesn't it?
   I was starting to hate her, I mean a deep penetrating hate all the way to the depths of my soul. So I had to cut off communication with her. When someone is sick and tired, I mean really sick and tired they will stop and get themselves together. I am not going to say that I am a fan of your music, you are very talented, but I really admired the fact that you have stood by your mother through every thing. I really admired the fact that you have started an organization for children of addicts, because these circumstances effect the child in a tremendous way even past adulthood.
  You and your mother are in my prayers, I am praying for you both, that she gets well and that you can overcome this and find it in your heart to forgive her. Do not pay attention to the media, twitter, or other social networks that like to bash celebrities as if they have walked a mile or two in your shoes. But this letter is coming from someone who has not exactly walked in your shoes, but lets just say we have walked the same mile.
 Much Peace, Blessings, and Love

Tanisha M. Monroe

Guns 'N' Roses

I didn't think a man could protect me, take care of me, or defend me unless he had a gun in his waist. I didnt think a man could understand my sorrows, anger, or fear of having a crack addicted mother unless he dealt drugs or been around drugs. I was so used to being strong for everyone else that I needed someone stronger than me, and that someone had to be a thug. I wanted the type of thug you only see in street fiction, that Wahida Clark and Nikki Turner only wrote about. The type that ruled the streets, kill a nigga for a nigga by any means type of thug, but only held a soft spot in his heart for me. Of course those are only in hood fairytales, they do not exist. These type of men are not gauranteed to make it back in one piece, are not gauranteed freedom, nor are they gauranteed to have a heart for you.
 I learned throughout my teens and early twenties that you have to be a cold hearted individual to sell drugs to a person. By the grace of God, some individuals hearts warm up and the ice melts away causing them to want to get out. Then you have the greedy ones, they block out the fact they are hurting people and embrace the money, cash, clothes. And that's where we come in, we love the fact of being spoiled with materials, great sex, and finally having a man to take care of us, financially, emotionally., and sexually. We forget about the risk of getting taken out if and when our man encounters an jealous enemy he wants off his turf.
  We forget about the fact that we put our freedom at risk from being an accessory to his crimes just by taking his money and going on endless shopping sprees.
 And then we have the forever faithful ride or die wifey, she will do anything by any means necessary to protect her man, and stay by his side no matter what the cost. She loves this man so much, she will risk twenty to life on transporting charges, by driving his bricks up and down the east coast on the ever so famous I-95 to bring the bread home to daddy. She will risk a life sentence to take down her love's archenemy and do anything he asks of her, including take the wrap for his mess, and do his cold hard time.
 Love is stronger than pride, but sometimes we have to fight love for pride. We know deep in our hearts when a man really truly cares for us and love us. But because we are so deep in love with him, we fight the red flags, the bad signs, and blind ourselves from the truth.

As Time Passes By

I decided to write a long letter to my biological father. He has been avoiding me for 3 months straight. My phone calls go to voicemail, my texts unanswered, my calls unreturned. I understand guilt succumbs him over the past. But that is just it. It is the past. I don't care about the past I want to start from now. I don't want to let another 20 or so years fly by and I don't hear from him. That would really shatter my heart.
I asked him in a message, why would he look for me in the first place and push me away. He had no answer. Well I'm tired of not having answers, I want answers and I want a daddy. A real daddy not some fake who smiles and claims me in public but can't even stand to look at me in private.
My heart will write this letter. And I'm writing it manually with ink, to show my sincerity.