Confession (Why I Haven't Been Going To Church)

I stopped going to church because one person made me angry and frustrated with going to church. I know it is biased, no excuse, and I am supposed to go to church for me and the Lord only. However, I let the devil trick me into making myself think that I was just taking a little break from the church, and that as long as I paid my tithes I was fine. Wrong! I needed to be up in church every sunday, in somebody's bible study every week, and on somebody's prayer line every night. I needed to be on my knees every night praying thanking God, and working on forgiveness. In all actuality, I'm mad as all hell on earth at some situations that happend to me that was all out of my control. Instead of thanking God for getting me out of a bad situation, I questioned myself about why I was put in the situation in the first place. I feel anger towards people in church because someone from the church who wasn't as saved as pertained to be, or acting the part.
   I am angry because in my mind, I feel like I have been set back from where I was, I feel like a failure, and that I lost everything I worked hard for. I'm withdrawing from everyone, I'm suspicious of everybody who wants to get close to me, and I have a I don't care attitude that needs to stop right now.
   The Holy Spirit is beating me in the head, the guilt I feel  is consuming me and I feel horrible about a lot of things. I know God is telling me that He is not angry with me, He just wants me to leave the past alone and look forward. He wants me to get back in church ASAP because my spirit is weak, and I am walking around with a broken heart that He needs to heal. I need to start being honest with myself and talk to Him openly because I can't front on Him. He knows me better than I know myself, and He wants me to be more open to Him.
    The Holy Spirit has been telling me to read the entire Bible from front to back, so I can understand that He is a God of love, not anger, not hate, not vengeful. That He loves me through all of my flaws, my weaknesses, my prettiness, my ugliness, my sadness, my goofiness everything about me. He wants me to understand that I need to lean on Christ. Holy Spirit told me it is good I am paying tithes, but what about worship, giving thanks. Sometimes I eat without saying my grace, I feel lower than dirt for even doing that.
   I wanted to get this off my chest, so I could start healing, and continue my walk with Christ, because I was not being honest with myself or other people. Isn't it great that we have a God of second chances?